Spirit of Trust

The other day a darling man came into the store with a very specific need. He needed to find a cockring to help sustain his erection during sex. The difficulty being that the smallest cockring we carry is 1 1/4 inches in diameter. He softly let me know that the problem was that when he is fully erect- he doesn't reach 1 1/4 inches and therefore every cockring we carry would be too large for him to utilize them.

So I grabbed my Sex Toys 101 book (yes, that's really the title) to seek out a solution. The solution we discovered was that if you use one of the larger rings and place it around the testicles and then the shaft- the cockring would then provide the support this man was looking for. Problem solved. (I also recommended using a penis pump that could help swell his penis prior to intercourse to give him some temporary additional length and girth).

Normally I can tell when someone is nervous when broaching a sensitive subject- say for instance your fully erect penis doesn't reach an inch and a quarter and you're wondering what you can do about it. This man was much more comfortable discussing his concern then I was in helping him because I was nervous for him. There wasn't even a tremor or an ounce of sheepishness in his voice. Very clearly he had a problem and needed my help and he had confidence in me that we could find a solution together. And honestly, it felt very rewarding to be able to help.

I am mindful of how often people don't share their problems and struggles in life in the context of their congregation- and specifically how the church doesn't create an atmosphere of safety and approachability. I remember one instance growing up when my family was going through a very difficult time and we didn't feel it was safe to name our experience truthfully- so we lied and said my Dad was away on business.

The one place we should feel safe in telling the truth is often the place we spend the most time and energy trying to sustain a facade of success and put-together-ness. I would much rather people come to me with real life concerns over whether we should offer a sugar bowl or sugar packets at coffee hour.

But somehow we have made it unsafe for people to name their own truths- and as pastors it's in our job description to bring about change so that our members feel safe telling the truth- the real truth, not just the pretty details.